


I Don't Deserve You

by Anonymous



Category: Dreamcatcher (Korea Band)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-12
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-19 00:00:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29990808
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Beautiful things take time, and sometimes additional heartbreaks teach you to mend yourself in areas you didn’t even know were broken.
Relationships: Lee Gahyeon/Lee Siyeon
Kudos: 6
Collections: Girl Group Jukebox (Round 3)





	I Don't Deserve You

**Author's Note:**

> Written for GG Jukebox Round 3, inspired by White Mercedes by Charli XCX.

New busy day, it’s a weekend and Gahyeon’s alarm wakes her up at 6AM.

_ No rest for the wicked. _

She chants every time she feels the need to throw her scandalous alarm clock out of the window. She slept at 2AM having a couple of beers with her best friends who are getting married, which also doubled as a rough planning session for the venue decoration that is scheduled for today. She starts her day choosing among the coffee capsules beside her Nespresso machine, yawning and rubbing her eyes as the aroma of her brewing coffee settles within the corners of her kitchen. The machine whirrs, and she remembers the bits of her dream that she had for the night. It was set in her high school, her classroom when she was a freshman, and she was sitting on the chair nearest to the window where shadows of the leaves of the tall trees hug her picturesque face. She can’t remember anything else, just the feeling of warmth as she peeks out the window, and the eerie silence that hints on her memories.

And then her coffee is ready. Her thoughts are disrupted, shattering her peaceful recollection as she grabs the handle of her mug. The ringtone of a FaceTime Video Call echoes throughout her one-bedroom apartment and she almost rushes trying to pick up the call if she wasn’t feeling lethargic from the lack of sleep.

“Good morning. Yes?” Gahyeon’s tone is weak, her shut-eye only three and a half hours. When she was younger, she could even operate on only an hour of sleep, partying on a Thursday night with morning classes the next day. But a lot of things change as years rush in.

“Just asking if you’re awake? You told me to ring you at 6AM to make sure you’re up.” Her best friend Dongie who’s on another timezone is her most effective alarm; she has the propensity to sleep in and disregard the awful ringing designed to wake her up.

“God. Yeah. Early day. I got home at 2AM and Yoohyeon was  _ hammered  _ and Yubin had to piggyback her. I can’t believe they’re still crazy for each other.”

“Oh please tell me we will have another night out when I get there.”

“Who am I to say no to that?” Gahyeon finally sips her coffee, the caffeine sending signals of stability and energy to her brain.

“Okay. You better make that happen. I need to go now, I also have a party to get to.”

The call ends and silence is regained. Gahyeon unlocks her phone and goes through her Facebook, an app she seldomly uses but keeps it nonetheless because all of her high school acquaintances are in it. Scrolling as fast as her eyes could lay a sight on any photos, but she quickly scans a couple of letters that look and feel familiar.

_ Lee Siyeon _

She clicks on the profile, slightly dismayed that the last update was over two years ago and that there weren’t even any photos in the post, just a status that her friend tagged her in while they were out on a cruise (according to what she’s reading) .

_ I guess she still hates Facebook after all these years. _

She exits the app, finishes what’s left of her coffee, and hops on the shower, determined to have a fruitful day ahead of her. She doesn't mind the pulsating beats on her chest in a quiet morning that sound like her rushing heartbeat.

  
  
  
  


_ Siyeon _

GUYS

THERE’S THIS REALLY CUTE KID

I SAW HER GETTING HER ID PICTURE TAKEN TODAY

AND I LOST MY ID SO I ALSO HAD MY PICTURE TAKEN HAHA

ANYWAY. SOOOOOO CUTE

LIKE SUPER CUTE SUPER CUTE CHEEKS

_ Bora _

LOL r u ok

_ Minji _

I don’t think she’s ok haha

_ Siyeon _

sorry for bugging u, working kids

haha she’s just so fckng cute

and beautiful hahahaha

:)

_ Bora _

u do know you sound weird?

_ Siyeon _

what do you mean! im just saying she's cute!

_ Minji _

To be fair, you have not dated anyone the same age as nor older than you.

_ Bora _

yep, they were all younger.

_ Siyeon _

you say ALL like i have a dozen of girls at my disposal

and what's wrong w that

_ Minji _

Do you not?

_ Siyeon _

eh, well, not anymore.

the point is

SHE’S SO CUTE

_ Minji _

Siyeon you really should stop doting on younger girls and study first. You can’t extend one more year. 

_ Bora _

study first okay! whoever makes you her gf this school year and distracts you im gonna punch! 

_ Siyeon _

pls dont punch girls :(

  
  


But despite Siyeon’s best friends reminding her to place her studies above anything else, she develops this heart-thumping, blood-raising, hand-electrifying crush on the “kid.” But true to her promise, Siyeon doesn’t do anything to get to know her. She doesn’t try to befriend her or ask for her number, like she would use to do when there’s even the slightest attraction she has for a girl.

But fate decides to be playful one day.

“Good morning! You’re Lee Siyeon, right?” The sweet voice of a young woman makes Siyeon’s heart jump out of her chest. She turns around and finds her crush just in front of her.

“Y-yes, what can I help you with?” Siyeon’s voice is shaking as she tries to hide the blush forming on her cheeks, skin warm and mind in tangles.

“My name is Gahyeon. I'm a second year BS Literature. Can we have a photo together? Sorry, it’s some form of initiation for my org.”

“Oh, an org? Which one?”

“The m--” Gahyeon flashes a smile before Siyeon’s eyes, and she loses all concentration and what’s left of her confidence as she starts getting blinded with the crescents on her face. 

“Hello? Lee Siyeon?” She literally got lost in her smile, not understanding a word she just said.

“S-sorry, so, you wanted a photo?”

“Y-yes, please,”

After two days, Siyeon finds out that Gahyeon applied to the same organisation she is in. And the photo with her finally made sense because she is the vice president, sometimes she forgets. After two months, Siyeon doesn’t get lost in her smile anymore, but in her eyes. Gahyeon’s eyes that twinkle with determination and kindness, the same ones that look into her whenever they say goodbye to each other every time Siyeon gets the chance of bringing her home.

  
  


_ Minji _

Siyeon pls answer ur phone

_ Bora _

SIYEOOOOO

N

SIYEON

_ Siyeon _

Oh this was two hours ago. Sorry i was driving!

_ Bora _

No you weren’t. You were flirting with a girl, after us explicitly asking you, or practically begging you to prioritise studies first

_ Siyeon _

What??

_ Minji _

We wanted to surprise you earlier and went to your uni

_ Bora _

And we saw you with a girl

_ Minji _

I hope you dont think we’re intruding 

We just want what’s best for you after your breakdown last year

Remember what your dad told you if you repeat another school year

_ Siyeon _

I was just bringing her home

And i know you two mean well

Hold on, can we all call please

Siyeon finally explains everything while reassuring her friends that she will not be the same stupid child she was last year; she just wants to take a shot on getting to know this girl, who is beautifully memerizing inside and out.

***

“Hey guys, can I ask you something?” Gahyeon asks while seated behind Yubin who’s been driving them for three hours now, just to celebrate Yoohyeon’s 20th birthday in the outskirts of the city, just like what she promised.

Dongie is asleep, so only Yubin and Yoohyeon answer their friend, “Yeah?”

“Do you think Siyeon is okay?”

“What do you mean  _ okay _ ?” Yoohyeon starts.

“I don’t know, like, is she nice?”

“You mean is she going to be a good girlfriend?” Yubin answers, Yoohyeon chuckling at her directness.

“...” Gahyeon holds her smile, the crescent forming almost as shy as her. “The age gap is concerning me.”

“You know, we’re happy if you’re happy.” Yoohyeon answers and Yubin shifts her head to the passenger’s seat, heavily approving and looking impressed even.

“Yeah,” Yubin confirms. “And your gap is just four years. Plus you’re turning legal next month. I don’t see anything wrong with that.”

“I don’t know, I’m just not sure…” Gahyeon’s face is a mixture of gloom and uncertainty, and the look worries Yoohyeon and Yubin. Deep in thought as the car pulls to a stop over, Gahyeon closes her eyes in the hopes of finding her answers through the darkness of slumber.

***

_ Lee Siyeon _

Hi gahyeon, do you have plans tomorrow? :)

Feb 13, 4:59PM

Huh? Why? What’s tomorrow?

Oh, nothing, i just wanna take you to dinner!

Feb 13, 5:27PM

Oh. Haha. Okay, why not!

  
  


Siyeon is a romantic, huge on actions and she’s all about the grand gestures that make you feel like you’re the only woman that exists in her life. Gahyeon on the other hand, is the opposite. She finds grand gestures largely ingenuine and doesn’t believe in relationships for the larger part of her thoughts on dating. Her parents just finalized their divorce last month, so the whole idea of selling romanticism to her on Valentine’s Day is not really enthralling for the young woman. She didn’t even know it was February 14 until she and Siyeon arrived at the restaurant that she promised her she’d bring her to.

“Oh shit.” Gahyeon exclaims, not noticing she did so loudly.

“What’s wrong?” Siyeon’s eyes grow big, now unsure if she has done anything wrong with her extensively-planned night.

“Nothing, I just forgot that it’s Valentine’s today and that’s why you wanted to have dinner.” Siyeon smiles shyly at Gahyeon’s answer, biting her lower lip, feeling her blood rush to her face while the yellow lighting of the fancy restaurant helps her hide how smitten she is.

“Sorry, should I have been explicit with the reason behind my invitation?” Siyeon is looking ravishing with her blue button-down and white pants, and Gahyeon can’t help but stare at the way her date is smirking.  _ Cheeky. _

“Not really, I’m just not into events created by capitalism. But I’m sure I’ll enjoy tonight.” There goes the flush again and Siyeon wishes her makeup can hide the layers of red she feels on her face.

“It really amazes me how you don’t sound four years younger than me. At all.”

The night goes on as Siyeon planned it, three-course meals in generous servings making their stomachs and hearts feel full more than ever. At the middle of the third course, Siyeon stands up and excuses herself, saying she needs to go to the bathroom briefly. Gahyeon doesn’t find it out of the ordinary, because how non-normal would it be to excuse yourself during a dinner.

The restaurant then starts blaring out a Charli XCX song, Gahyeon’s favorite soloist.

_ Little bit scared of heights _

_ Little afraid to say _

_ You know the things that make me smile _

Gahyeon is in the middle of her well-done steak when her date reappears with a bouquet of red roses.  _ A very big gesture,  _ Gahyeon huffs silently in her head, and she feels everyone stare. Siyeon is just two steps away, eyes and lips smiling brightly like a sun in a time when the moon is ruling the sky. She has no strength to turn her down, no energy to stand up from the table and walk away from the eyes that are speaking towards her.

“Gahyeon? Please be official with me?”

The young woman is irrevocably conflicted, she doesn’t want to make Siyeon feel all of her efforts are just going to waste, but she also doesn’t want to lie to herself that she’s ready to be in a relationship. Everything is in turmoil for Gahyeon at this point in her life -- her family in a state of chaos, her academics not going well due to lack of concentration, and the whole idea of her being in a relationship is not something that has crossed her mind. She’s only fourteen.

She looks into Siyeon’s eyes, wishing the strife is not visible in her face. “Of course, Siyeon.”

The whole restaurant bursts into claps as the younger girl finally gives the tensed Siyeon a tight hug and a warm kiss. The night continues according to Siyeon’s plan, just not according to Gahyeon’s.

“So… Here you are,” Siyeon says as she parks right outside Gahyeon’s house, shifting her car’s gear to park and pulling the handbrake up. “Thank you for this night. So much. I wouldn’t have spent it any other way.”

“Actually...” Gahyeon musters all the courage she ever could, even more than when she tried driving her dad’s car without any license. She breathes in as deep as she can, and slowly breathes her jitters out. Her hands are balled up to fists, and if she can only avert Siyeon’s eyes, she would. “I haven’t told you a lot of things. And I think it’s time you know  _ more  _ about me.”

Siyeon unfastens her seat belt, her heart beating the same way it was when she was about to ask Gahyeon to be official with her earlier, but this time the energy is different. Her voice breaks, but she tries to be strong, “Okay, I’d appreciate that.”

“Okay...” Gahyeon starts by holding Siyeon’s hands, cold from the air conditioning of her car but Gahyeon’s is colder because of agitation. “My parents just officially got divorced last month, and it’s a lot to take in because I’m a daddy’s girl.” Her grasp with Siyeon’s hand feels tighter than what’s needed but the older girl doesn’t complain. “Next, I’m failing my classes because I’m more busy trying to take care of my mom than studying when I’m home. She’s already circling the rabbit hole back to her drinking, and I don’t want her to fall back into it.” Her tears are now welling up, but she continues explaining herself. “Next, everything is just… too overwhelming for me. I’m not ready for any of this. But I also don’t want to lose you. I just… Everything is too much.”

Siyeon nods, doing her best to understand Gahyeon’s words. The tighter Gahyeon squeezes her hand, the faster her heart falls apart.

“It’s okay, Gahyeon...” The smaller girl’s tears now overflow, too much for her eyes to handle. “I understand. Don’t worry. I also don’t want you to be with me when you’re not sure.”

“Thank you, Siyeon. A million times thank you.” Gahyeon manages to speak even while drowning in tears. “Y-you don’t have to wait for me. You deserve someone better than me -- one who’s always ready for you. Who doesn’t need time, who doesn’t need to pr--”

Siyeon presses her lips on Gahyeon who kisses back, the pain in their lips felt in every heave of their breaths, the wistful moans sounding like music in Siyeon’s silent car.

“I-I’m sorry,” Siyeon pulls away, realizing what she has done, mouths still slightly parted.

“You don’t have to say sorry. It’s not your fault I’m not ready.” Gahyeon’s words ring in Siyeon’s ears, painful and stinging, feeling as if she was shouting with a megaphone to purposely ruin her eardrums. But in this case, it’s her heart breaking. “Thanks for tonight as well, Siyeon.”

***

_ Minji _

Wow, it’s your first anniv with Gahyeon today?!

_ Siyeon _

Yes… :’(

I’ve never been so happy….

_ Bora _

but i will never forget how sad she made you more than a year ago

that was very unforgivable

she didnt know how broken you were

but fine, im happy youre happy

_ Minji _

Happy anniv to you and Gahyeonie! :)

_ Siyeon _

I really am

Pls dont worry much

And thx minj :)

  
  


A year passes by, and Siyeon has been waiting in the wings since day zero. Gahyeon has been concentrating more on her studies, she has been getting better at coping with her parents’ divorce, and she has picked up a small job at the nearby pastry shop where she had to beg the owner to hire her and help her save up some money. Siyeon uses that excuse to buy a handful of bread almost every day just to see how Gahyeon is doing (and boy was there a lot of bread bought and sold). As Siyeon waits, Gahyeon feels impatience at her fingertips. Whenever Siyeon shows up in her slicked back shoulder-length silver hair, Gahyeon can’t help but squeeze whichever bread she was holding that day. She left  _ too many _ pastries unsqueezed until she decided to finally let go and kiss Siyeon one day after their exams week.

“Wow. What was  _ that _ ?” Siyeon asks, breathless and riding on cloud nine as the kiss lingers on her skin.

“You know, there was a time that I forgot how to feel things with everything that was happening around me. But if I hadn’t met you, I wouldn’t have remembered how much I could actually feel.”

Gahyeon stares right into Siyeon’s eyes, and the older girl feels her gaze run through her soul. Their bodies start feeling hot and their hands start to feel warm against each other, and Gahyeon sees Yoohyeon and Handong at the corner of her eye.

“Oh!” Gahyeon faces her best friends, hands not breaking off from Siyeon’s but face looking like she was caught doing something illegal, like kissing someone after four months of playing the push and pull game (or six months total, if you include the getting to know pre-game). “You’re here already!” And then Gahyeon smiles awkwardly.

“O…kay. No worries. I’ll just call Yubin now to pick us up!” Yoohyeon replies, awkward just the same. But unlike Siyeon’s friends, Gahyeon’s friends are fully supportive of being with Siyeon, despite being younger and theoretically being less experienced.

And after this day, as the old saying goes,  _ the rest is history. _

***

Just like any other normal couple, Gahyeon and Siyeon have their ups and downs. Especially for one with a four-year age gap, things could go south pretty easily if it weren’t for people who do their best to understand each other well.

Gahyeon graduates college, and gets a job in the same city that Siyeon is living and working in. But Siyeon’s demanding job as a copywriter in a big agency firm tests the couple’s patience and strength. She devises a schedule that enables her to have date nights with her girlfriend, as well as keeping her work hours on the minimum. She makes sure to start working early so she can clock out early and enjoy free time after work with Gahyeon. The months flow by and Siyeon gets new clients every two weeks. It isn’t ideal, what with Gahyeon working as an Account Executive in a competing agency firm with unhealthy hours especially for a rookie hire like her, but Gahyeon has no inclination of giving up no matter how hard things get. She is determined to keep fighting. Gahyeon, on the other hand, misses some scheduled dates because she enjoys too many 6PM parties that would last until 10PM, if not later. Siyeon is, in a simple word, devastated, with the lack of effort and appreciation that her younger girlfriend shows in her desire for amicable time spent with both personal and worklife. 

“I’m sorry… I was just enjoying too much. I was with Yubin and Yoohyeon anyway. I was safe.”

“That isn’t the point, Gahyeon. You know I’ll be going on my defense next week and I won’t have any other availability this week. You know how important our date days are to me.”

“As they are to me, baby. Do you think I wanted to forget our date day?”

The conversation runs on for thirty minutes that would usually end with Gahyeon walking away from Siyeon, and the older girl looking all defeated and lifeless when Gahyeon is already thirty steps away. 

They would fight and make up, be distant then feel lonely, kiss and then play the silent game. They were on and off for years, and not once did Siyeon ever feel that she was tired of taming a wild kid, even though everyone around them says Gahyeon is. As years rush by, they both grow older, with different sets of priorities from each other. They are growing together, but apart from one another.

“I wanted to surprise you, babe.” Siyeon pleads, her eyes on the brink of tears as she stares on the dark road ahead as her car is parked in the usual spot in front of Gahyeon’s house.

“We’ve been together seven years, Siyeon. How many times do I need to tell you that I don’t like surprises? We spent three hours in that restaurant, and you know my visiting hours in my mom’s hospital is only until 6PM!” There is fire in Gahyeon’s eyes, not the one that she used to have when she’s with her girlfriend, a fiery one that burns whoever touches it. “Can’t you consider my own schedule?”

Siyeon touches the fire, and together they burn.

“Consider your own schedule?!?! This is the first time in three weeks that we have seen each other, and it’s because I wanted to celebrate my promotion with  _ you _ ! I was going to celebrate with my teammates, but since I haven’t seen you in a while and today is your only free day before your work flies you off to somewhere again, I decided to spend it with  _ just you _ ! Only you! When have I not followed your schedule? For seven years, Gahyeon, I have never said a word about how you spend more time with your officemates than me. And that’s okay. Because you’re at that age where you focus on being the best employee you could be because that decides your future. And I understand how busy Accounts people are. But for you to almost forget that I exist? I’m not even the first person that you talk to once you reach home after two weeks of business trip!”

There is no way Siyeon is wasting any breath, and she is not stopping any time soon.

“I always turn a blind eye on all those girls and boys that you surround yourself with, may it be work people or college people. I have never shed an ounce of doubt because I love you and I trust you, with all my fucking heart. Please don’t tell me I was wrong to not believe all those people who were talking smack behind your back.”

The stillness of the night is deafening and the darkness of the sky is blinding to their eyes. No one moves nor switches positions, both stationary and almost seemingly lifeless in Siyeon’s brand new car. The slightest breathing can be heard, the most minute sobbing, and Gahyeon shatters the delicate silence with her last trace of grit.

“I... uh... had some moments with Jihyo during college. And she kissed me  _ once _ while we were partying but we were so drunk that none of us remembers how it happened until Dahyun told us the next day. And sometimes when work is so stressful, I would go crazy whenever we do 6PM parties. I never told you because they do not matter. And that doesn’t mean I love you less--”

“No, no, no, of course not.” 

“Siyeon, baby, please, listen. I know you’re too good for me and I know I have never deserved you from day one. But I wouldn’t know what to do in my life if I don’t have you by my side. I swear I’ll change and be the best for you. For us.”

Gahyeon starts crying loudly, and Siyeon doesn’t know whether she should scream at the top of her lungs or punch the steering wheel until her knuckles bleed out.

“Do you love me because you need me? Or do you need me because you love me?” The question leaves a bitter taste in Siyeon’s tongue, and Gahyeon is convinced their hearts need a break. And maybe this time, it is for good.

“Maybe we also want different things at this point, you’re 22 and I’m almost 26. And while I’m ready to settle down with you, it seems to me that you’d rather party or go on business trips rather than spend lazy mornings with me.”

Siyeon’s words pierce like an arrow, ripping Gahyeon’s heart open, which she knows she deserves.

“I don’t think I deserve someone like you, Gahyeon, whether you’re in your best or worst, and not ever.”

  
  


“Hi, yes, good morning. I’m here for the Kim-Lee Nuptials Planning. Please say that it’s Lee Siyeon, manager of the wedding singers.” Lee Siyeon, who looks divine in her white flowy blouse and fitted white camino pants, arrives at the venue exactly on time the Events Planner had asked them to be present. 8AM, on the dot.

“This way, ma’am.” The helpful frontdesk lady assists Siyeon and her team of three.

“...any of the vendors here yet?”

“Yes, ma’am. I think they’ve just arrived.”

“Okay, please offer them coffee or something to drink and I’ll meet them here in a few.”

Siyeon’s mind churns, the gears suddenly turning as she tries to figure out how and why that voice barely registers in her head.

“I think we should go in.” Siyeons tells her team. They walk with caution towards the busy beach where there are around twenty people walking around the cordoned area for the wedding venue.

A petite pink-haired woman then suddenly appears as if she descended directly from the sun, basking in its beautiful glory with a smile just as radiant. She slowly walks towards where Siyeon and her team are seated, but suddenly stops on her way to the small team. More nuts and bolts turn in Siyeon’s head, and she starts looking around the crew members who are busy doing their own crafts. Their shirts seem like uniform with one label:

**Lee Planning & Events Coordinator**

_ Shit. This feels like a venus fly trap. _

The petite woman continues walking after she puts her phone down, and Siyeon freezes at her sight. She is sure she has moved on from her, but the way her heart beats off-rhythm throws her off the edge. 

“Hi! Good morning!” The voice reverberates in Siyeon’s ears. The pink-haired girl fully removes her sunglasses, and Siyeon knows why the voice earlier sounded so familiar. 

_ I wish this were a venus fly trap, please swallow me now? _

Siyeon’s hands start to feel sweaty, apprehension heightened with electricity jumping in her arms as the petite girl offers her hand for a shake.

“What a pleasant surprise!” Siyeon manages to croak out as her voice breaks. Her choice of words towards a person she’s meeting again after nine years making her question herself how she graduated with a Journalism degree.

Gahyeon, on the other hand, also isn’t calm in the slightest way. Right after taking off her sunglasses, she drops her phone, her notebook, and her ballpen, all in that manner.

“Oh shit, sorry.”

“Since when were you clumsy?” Siyeon teases, the tension still present but the air a little bit loose. Just a little bit.

“No, just lost grip.” Gahyeon answers with a smile, and Siyeon is surprised at how her heart still manages to jump even after having it killed on the night of their breakup.

“Oh, yeah, guys, we were friends back in high school.” Siyeon introduces Gahyeon to her team who is currently dusting off the sand that just swallowed her phone.

“Yeah, up until college. Nice to meet you!” Gahyeon continues Siyeon’s sentence while offering a handshake to each of her team.

The business meeting commences, talking about which songs are to be sung for the wedding event as well as for the reception party. The two do their best to be as professional as they can be, but their eyes and hearts are not able to lie as they would have wished. It would be an understatement to say that Gahyeon catches Siyeon staring at her  _ and then _ blushing, and the other way around. But every look that Siyeon steals warrants a corresponding apprehensive heartbeat. She  _ wants  _ to keep looking at Gahyeon, but she isn’t sure if she even should.

The meeting ends, and Siyeon’s team has decided to walk along the shore and take some photos. Gahyeon, on the other hand, is still frozen beside Siyeon.

“Surprise, I guess?” Siyeon breaks the ice.

“Did you know?”

“No. How would I know?”

“But who contacted you from my company? Sorry, just curious.” Gahyeon looks like she’s not giving up trying to find out who got them to meet again.

“I’m not really sure, my assistant took care of that.” Siyeon answers, hopefully Gahyeon believes that she’s telling the truth, because she is.

“Okay, anyway, that doesn’t really matter, does it?” Gahyeon finally stands up from her chair and puts her sunglasses back on. “How much time do you have?”

_ Is this a trick question? _

“Oh, for today? I, uh, don’t know. We don’t have other things planned for today. I think.”

Gahyeon grabs Siyeon’s wrist and that sends her nerve endings to a chaos, entangling themselves with each other, slightly malfunctioning.

“Let’s have lunch together? Catch up?”

“Sure.”

Siyeon nods her head, quite amused but still restless that this is all happening while she’s awake. She tells her team who are currently enjoying the sun to meet back here at 1PM.

“Is the food here good?” Siyeon jests a bit as they sit on a medium-sized table beside an industrial fan, their view overlooking the bright beach.

“Yeah, don’t worry. Really good.”

“I hope you don’t mind, I sat near the electric fan.” Siyeon says, subtly reminding Gahyeon of the small things that she is particular about (example: the heat while eating is unbearable for Siyeon).

“Oh, yeah, don’t worry, I chose the table near it for the very reason.” 

The menus arrive and they order what they’ll be having for a reunion meal, after nine years.

“Oh, I’ve never asked, you were wearing a veil earlier…”Siyeon pauses, quickly contemplating if she should still ask this so casually. “Who’s the lucky person?” She finally asks. The first question that has been pestering her since she saw Gahyeon with the veil. “I don’t really follow social media.”

“Oh, yeah, don’t worry. I know you hate social media.” Gahyeon chuckles after. “Silly, I’m not the one getting married. Yubin and Yoohyeon!”

That response elicits a huge smile from Siyeon with a subtle sigh of relief, that she doesn’t have to deal with attending an ex’s wedding.

“Oh, that’s beautiful! They really stood through it all, huh.” Siyeon comments, wholly impressed and overall fascinated.

“Yeah, we all sorta knew they were made for each other from the start. There was no debate whether or not they’ll end up together.” Gahyeon speaks proudly of her best friends who are living proof that there indeed is an extraordinary type of love that will pursue you until the end of time.

“That’s so cute. Soulmates, really.”

“Soulmates. Yes, they really are. I’m so happy for them.”

Gahyeon’s eyes catch Siyeon too many times in one day but she is not bothered one bit. She enjoys the feeling of catching Siyeon’s eyes on her, and she has missed the excitement she gives her.

“How about you?” Gahyeon tries to open a new topic just as her iced latte arrives, eager to find out any updates from her ex.

“Me? There isn’t one ring in here.” Siyeon shows up with her two hands, only wearing an automatic watch that she’s had on since college. “And you still like iced latte.”

“Yes, and hot vanilla latte, and cappuccino. I still like the same things.” Gahyeon says, sipping her rich coffee, probably her third cup for the day. “And yeah, same here. Very busy with the business, and we’re fortunately branching out to a provincial headquarters so I’m really excited. Kinda glad actually I got all of my experiences from advertising. Are you still in the field?” Gahyeon shares, bearing her pearly whites, making Siyeon feel heartache the right way.

“Wow! That sounds great! And uh, yeah, I still am in advertising but I have jumped from copywriting to accounts. I’m now an Accounts Executive but just doing this wedding singing as a sideline. Minji handles the whole team. You remember Minji yeah?”

“Oh definitely.” Gahyeon answers, almost winking, not sure why she would do such a thing and Siyeon catches on it and laughs it off.

“So how are your parents?” Siyeon asks, determined not to give away that she is still feeling a bit unsure.

“Oh… She passed. Two years ago.” Gahyeon’s tone is low and Siyeon knows how much her mom meant to her. “My dad is based in Madrid now, and I visit him regularly.”

“Ah crap, I’m sorry to hear that. I remember how wonderful she was. And, wow, vacations in Spain… Sounds fancy.”

“Not if you’re paying for it, but yeah, my dad has his own carpentry business and he’s doing really well. I guess it’s true that a lot of things get better with age.”

Their orders arrive, the food looking just like what they would order years ago. This whole accidental meet up takes them back to their beautiful old days.

“Hey, this would be crazy,” Gahyeon starts as she starts eating her fried chicken, her heart beating so loudly against her chest that she worries Siyeon might hear it. “But um...” She’s still not ready to say it, and Siyeon feels Gahyeon’s uneasiness that she starts sweating bricks. “Since you’ll be in the wedding managing the singers already,” Gahyeon struggles, visible in the corners of her lips and eyes.

Siyeon interrupts, just as worried as Gahyeon, “Wait, oh my gosh?”

“Yeah, as a date.” Gahyeon finally says it after overthinking for seconds. “I don’t know… Would you be okay with that?”

Siyeon swallows her pork barbecue, her mind running almost 250mph out into the ocean riding on the crazy waves. “I don’t see why not.” The sea swells and breaks, and her mind is back to the shore.

_ This is really happening. _

“Cool then!” Gahyeon exclaims while drinking her banana shake.

  
  


The trip on the way home from the wedding venue feels like an arduous one with the traffic that they are facing, but memories of Gahyeon’s smiles and laughters from Siyeon’s lunch with her echoes in her head and makes her heart flutter the way it couldn’t before. Siyeon dated other people after Gahyeon - looking for distractions and escapes where distractions are momentary and escapes help you heal - that would hopefully help patch her up. She learns then that you would only fully heal when you start working on yourself and stop being hung up on the past. She regrets trying to find distractions because in the process, she even dates her best friend Bora, and their break up almost cost them their friendship.

Gahyeon, on the other hand, has stopped committed relationships after Siyeon, reevaluating what to her is the essence of being in a relationship, and helping herself feel whole even with her broken pieces. She feels a brand new person when she starts learning that she can never give love to anyone else if she doesn’t love herself first, and then she flourishes, enriching herself with experiences that have helped her become what she is now.

Beautiful things take time, and sometimes additional heartbreaks teach you to mend yourself in areas you didn’t even know were broken.

_ Lee Gahyeon _

It was nice seeing you again, after all these years! :)

I know I still don’t deserve your kindness

And I also don’t think I ever would

Because of the pain I have caused you

But thank you for accepting my invitation.

See you on the 7th, Siyeon :)

_Lee Siyeon_

Hey gahyeon, likewise :)

You know, we all grow towards the kind of person we strive to be

And i think youve done one pretty hell of a job on yourself

Im really proud of you.

And if you think that you dont deserve me

Then i guess you gotta work for it. :)

And i hope youve already forgiven yourself

Because i already have.

Cant wait for the 7th :)

**Author's Note:**

> If you are confused with their ages, please just note that:
> 
> \- The age gap for all of the characters in this fic and in real life are the same  
> \- Gahsing met when Gahyeon was 17 (months into turning 18), Siyeon was 21  
> \- The time jump is 9 years after (Gahyeon was 25 and Siyeon was 28 when they broke up) so Gahyeon is already 34 and Siyeon is 37
> 
> It's my first time joining GG Jukebox and I love Charli XCX! Thankful to N for letting me know about this ficfest! Thank you so much for reading and I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed (...or not? bc pain lol) writing it!


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